7 MORE Questions I Get Asked As a Lesbian

This is dedicated to two of my good friends, one in England, one in Ireland, who ask me many questions, almost all of which are welcomed and answered properly, and who occasionally ask some of these questions! Love yis.

11.“Do you check out girls when they’re changing?”
No, not generally. I’ve been changing with other girls since I was tiny, it’s not a sexual thing, generally I don’t even notice, unless I have a massive crush on someone, in which case I’m generally too shy to change in front of them.

12. “How do you know you’re gay if you’ve never slept with a guy?”
I should not need to explain the stupidity of this. How does someone know they’re straight if they’ve never slept with someone of the same sex?
Often leading into…

13. “And you’re sure you don’t fancy me? (Guys)”
Often followed directly by me laughing while they list their attractive body features I am missing out on.

“You don’t even find my ass a little bit attractive?” No, not even slightly.

14. “I want to go to a gay bar to see what it’s like, will you come with me and pretend to be my girlfriend if I get hit on?”
This always just seemed a bit of a teasing move to me, just say you’re straight, surely?! That’s what I’d say if a man was hitting on me.

15. “Was that your sister? Your… Friend?”
Quite often, that was the girl you saw me kissing a minute ago. Frankly I’m pretty disturbed that you thought that was my sister, it should have been pretty obvious she was not my sister! Or people try to ask if she was my partner or girlfriend but without saying those words, in case they offend me? I don’t know…

16. “I have this friend, she also likes girls, do you want her number?”
I’ve only had this a few times but it was always a bit weird that people would try and match make me with someone based purely on sexuality, but then, I’ve never taken anyone up on this so I don’t know, maybe we would bond over a mutual love of cats, wolf t-shirts and Indigo Girls?

17.“Which of you is the man in the relationship”” Alternatively “Who wears the pants?”
The second ones makes a nice lead in to my favourite ever retaliation to this question. “Sometimes I wear the pants, sometimes she wears the pants, sometimes neither of us wear pants at all.”
As a lesbian, I think that should make it clear that we are both always the women in the relationship. What you’re really asking is who tops, and I won’t answer that either, not matter how often you ask.

10 Common Questions I Get Asked About Being A Lesbian

1. “But what do lesbians do?”  Entertaining because everyone seems to assume that there is some magical sex secret I seem to possess as a lesbian. But if there is one I certainly didn’t get told it.

2. “But what happens when you want babies?” Annoyingly enough very few people ever think that A. this might be a personal question, which I feel it kind of is, or B. that maybe, possibly I might (heaven forbid) not want to procreate. Even worse is when people follow me saying I don’t want kids up with saying “Oh but you’d make a great mum!”

3. “Let me get this right, you don’t like men?” Surprisingly enough a lot of the people I know get their heads around the idea of liking women, particularly my male friends, but most of them do not get that that means I don’t like dudes. Often followed with a plaintive “Not even me?” look or, in some cases, actual question.

4. “Do you get turned on by your own tits?” (Mostly asked by guys) Seriously? No. The best retaliation I ever made was saying really seriously “No, do you get turned on by yours?”

5a. “But isn’t it kind of gross?” OR 5b. “Does it not weird you out?” I can see why you as a presumably straight woman would find it so, but generally, no, I’m pretty okay with it!

6. “Are you like, some kind of man hater?” Not really no, I dislike certain people, but generally I’m in favour of gender equality across the board, I’m not going to start screaming or attacking men or anything. :p

7. “But you don’t look like a lesbian…” (Often phrased as a question) Astonishingly I don’t “Look like a proper lesbian”, probably because there is no such thing. Trust me, if there was it would make picking up girls lots easier.

8. (Always men) “Can I watch?” No.

9. (Always women) Do you fancy me now? I find this question quite weird and very self centered, I don’t assume all straight men fancy me, I wouldn’t assume all lesbians or bi girls do either, so why when I say I’m a lesbian do you get all freaked thinking I fancy you? And why when I reassure you that I do not fancy you, do you look all sad and disappointed and sometimes even ask “Why not?”? Really, I’d love to know.

10. “But what do you do in bed?” My most common answer to this is “Look on wikipedia”. After all it’s what I had to do!

My Ten Favourite Books (From April This Year)

Smoke and Mirrors – Neil Gaiman

I first read this book when I was eleven. I had (and still have) a deep love for fairy tales and my father recommended a story called Snow, Glass, Apples. It was terrifying and probably deeply scarring but also magical and fantastic and really inspired me. If I was on a desert island I would take this book. Read Murder Mysteries, Snow, Glass, Apples, Troll Bridge, and all of them.

Good Omens – Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Another book recommend to me by my illustrious father. It’s been a favourite since I first read it, particularly because it’s by two of my favourite authors. It’s also been signed by them both which makes it doubly precious. The autumn before I turned fifteen I decided my life goal was to get it signed by both of them and through some wonderful and serendipitous coincidences I met Neil in October and Terry in December, within three months of making that a goal.

Stardust – Neil Gaiman

I think I saw this in a bookshop and decided to by it simply because it was Neil Gaiman and had a gorgeous cover. I love it, it’s a marvellous fairytale and a beautiful love story full of adventure and good vs. evil. Also witches, lightning catchers and true love.

Blankets – Craig Thompson

If I could draw like one person, or have one person agree to illustrate my
writing it would be Craig Thompson. I adore his art style and the honesty
he puts into this coming of age story. It’s about religion, love and family
and Craig’s relationship to them all. A first love story remembered with
such honesty it makes your heart ache.

Surely You’re Joking Mr. Feynman – Richard P. Feynman

This book is wonderful, I thought I needed some non-fiction on here and
this is it. I’m not very sciency at all and I tend to not read that many
biographies but I really love this book. It’s how to take one Nobel Prize
winning physicist and make him not just a name you’d hear in a class or in
a history book, it makes him a real, fascinating and wonderful person. I
wish I could have met him.

The Amber Spyglass – Phillip Pullman

The third book in a trilogy that I adore and definitely my favourite by
him. It’s a series about parallel universes starting in an Oxford not
unlike ours and ending up going as far as heaven itself. This along with a
lot of books by Tamora Pierce introduced me to a rather strange and bookish
idea of romance which has managed to stick with me until now at least. A
wonderful book with great characters and plots that have really stuck with
me. “Tell them stories” is one line in particular that had a lasting effect.

Maskarade – Terry Pratchett

I’m putting this book on the list to represent all of Terry Pratchett’s
books but it could as easily have been Feet of Clay, the Last Hero, Mort or
Reaperman (Or any of them to be honest). I’ve been reading The Discworld
since I was 12 and have adored and reread them many, many times since. I
found this copy in a clearance bookshop for four euroes. It’s a magically
beautiful edition… And it’s signed!

The Cats Of Seroster – Robert Westall

I found this on my brother’s bookshelf and quickly adopted it as my own.
It’s an awesome and incredibly detailed work of fantasy. It sends shivers
down my spine again and again. Something I love about this book is that I
honestly can never quite remember the end.

Trickster’s Choice – Tamora Pierce

This is another place where I use one book to represent an author’s entire
bibliography. I grew up wishing I lived in the world that she’s created. I
love this book because it took a land I knew really well but changed it all
by going to a different country and a different situation I loved the
intrigues and the setting and all the glorious characters.

Counting Stars – David Almond

Another book of short stories. These stories really stick in my mind and my
subconscious, they’re set in New castle I think but they really make me
think of home (Ireland) in many ways with the role of the church, the
family and the community playing roles I don’t generally associate with
England. They are truly beautiful stories of love and faith and wings and
stars.

Post script-

I wish I’d had a good book of poetry, or some more non fantasy books but
mostly I love poems for being poems not for the books they are, and I
prefer anthologies but could bring any good ones to find for this. Also I
give myself a month before I start thinking of a whole other list that I
should have written but for today (And hopefully tomorrow) this is good
enough.