What Does A Lesbian Look Like

Last Thursday, I became a proper lesbian.
Now, understand. I came out as gay in 2009, but that didn’t really count.
I’ve had girlfriends, but as everyone knows, any girl can snog another girl and not be a “dyke”.

No. To be a real lesbian, you must own a plaid flannel shirt. And so it came to be, that after a quick shop in Oxfam, I became a proper lesbian.

Now, properly and unsarcastically, I call bullshit.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my new plaid shirt, it’s actually really comfy and I think it looks good. But I’m not wearing this shirt because I love women, and wearing it does not make me gay either.
When I came out there were a few people who were confused because I “looked straight” which I’ve always found strange, I suppose I’d technically be termed as a “lipstick lesbian”, or “femme lesbian”? I can’t keep up with all the hip new terms the kids are coming up with.
I’m just a woman, a woman who likes women, and dresses. I’m not more attracted to “butch” women or “dykes” because I feel there needs to be a gender binary balance to our relationship. I just feel that my sexuality and attraction to women have no connection to the clothes I wear. And it frustrates me when I try to come out to someone and they can’t comprehend my lesbianism due to my wearing of long floaty skirts, or when I buy clothing and my friends give out to me for looking “dykey” and playing into stereotypes. It seems I just can’t win!
So what do you do? What can you do in the face of all these stereotypes and lose-lose situations?
Confuse the hell out of people back. Wander around in flouncy dresses and Doc Martins, plaid shirt with hippy skirts.
Wear the clothes I want to wear, that make me feel happy, comfortable and like the person I really am.

Plaid shirt now bought and worn in, I must make a hair cut appointment to get a buzzcut… Or maybe a mullet.


11 thoughts on “What Does A Lesbian Look Like

  1. bankholidaytuesday says:

    I had the opposite problem of being called a ‘dyke’ because I wore plaid shirts and jeans even though I fancy men. The kind of value judgement people make on the basis of clothes is unreal.

    On a related note, I saw a goth rocker couple- she in a full length black dress, corset, he with a mohawk, both sporting clunky massive boots and spikey jewelry, helping a lady carry her child’s buggy down the steps of the train station while she carried a heavy suitcase. It was so cute.

    But yes. Clothes based value judgements are so weird.

    • Yeah, I know loads of people who’ve had that problem too. It’s just so funny, I think with the way I dress people think I’m just waiting to find a man and have a baby, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why… πŸ˜›
      That is really adorable, and makes me happy for humanity at the same time! πŸ˜€

  2. sl606 says:

    I really smiled reading this, because I, too, would probably be categorized as a “femme.” Dressed in work clothes, no one would ever guess that I am a lesbian. But, I love my jeans and men’s tops. Even in “dyke” clothes, I have long, blonde hair, am tall and thin. Even though I am very open about being a lesbian, I get a kick out of the fact that people usually have no idea unless they know me (or they have really good gaydar). Then, when they realize I am, there is that little look of startled surprise that says, “Oh! You’re not straight.” :o)

  3. rmiles says:

    Welcome to the club; people will always makes judgments based on what you wear or how you look, it’s part of their nature. That’s why you have a blog so you can rant about it. πŸ™‚ Cheers.

  4. Blob says:

    I have a plaid shirt (two actually – a woolly McLachlan tartan and more restrained MacKay cotton job) and a Y chromosome. Does that make me a lesbian? Confused in the highlands.

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