1. “But what do lesbians do?” Entertaining because everyone seems to assume that there is some magical sex secret I seem to possess as a lesbian. But if there is one I certainly didn’t get told it.
2. “But what happens when you want babies?” Annoyingly enough very few people ever think that A. this might be a personal question, which I feel it kind of is, or B. that maybe, possibly I might (heaven forbid) not want to procreate. Even worse is when people follow me saying I don’t want kids up with saying “Oh but you’d make a great mum!”
3. “Let me get this right, you don’t like men?” Surprisingly enough a lot of the people I know get their heads around the idea of liking women, particularly my male friends, but most of them do not get that that means I don’t like dudes. Often followed with a plaintive “Not even me?” look or, in some cases, actual question.
4. “Do you get turned on by your own tits?” (Mostly asked by guys) Seriously? No. The best retaliation I ever made was saying really seriously “No, do you get turned on by yours?”
5a. “But isn’t it kind of gross?” OR 5b. “Does it not weird you out?” I can see why you as a presumably straight woman would find it so, but generally, no, I’m pretty okay with it!
6. “Are you like, some kind of man hater?” Not really no, I dislike certain people, but generally I’m in favour of gender equality across the board, I’m not going to start screaming or attacking men or anything. :p
7. “But you don’t look like a lesbian…” (Often phrased as a question) Astonishingly I don’t “Look like a proper lesbian”, probably because there is no such thing. Trust me, if there was it would make picking up girls lots easier.
8. (Always men) “Can I watch?” No.
9. (Always women) “Do you fancy me now? I find this question quite weird and very self centered, I don’t assume all straight men fancy me, I wouldn’t assume all lesbians or bi girls do either, so why when I say I’m a lesbian do you get all freaked thinking I fancy you? And why when I reassure you that I do not fancy you, do you look all sad and disappointed and sometimes even ask “Why not?”? Really, I’d love to know.
10. “But what do you do in bed?” My most common answer to this is “Look on wikipedia”. After all it’s what I had to do!